Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Most people who know me in real life or even in bloggy life,
know that in between the two happy and healthy births of my children,
I suffered two tragic miscarriages.
Our first loss was at 12 weeks with no signs.
We found out at our 12 week sonogram that
our baby had passed.
Our 2nd loss was at 17 weeks...
We lost a daughter and again there were no signs or warnings.
As a matter of fact we had several check ups where we saw her
and heard her heart beat and every thing looked very healthy.
After I delivered her, we discovered that she had Turner Syndrome.
Both of our losses (and later the birth of our Adelyn) happened in October.
October happens to be Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Even before I knew this, I always make sure to write a blog post
 in honor of my lost babies,
to encourage other mommies,
and as a bit of therapy for myself.
After both losses, but especially after the loss of our daughter,
I never felt so alone in my life!
Even surrounded by my closest family and friends,
I felt like I was the only one who was forced to endure such a tragic loss.
For me, I wanted desperately to find a girl who had made it though a 17 weeks miscarriage.
At this time I only knew of two far away friends who had experience one early miscarriage.
Although all the statistics and articale I read, made it sound common...
I honestly felt like the only one in the world who had experienced this.
  I bought every book, read every blog, and began to educate my self,
not on miscarriage necessarily, but of survival, healing, and strength. 
I desperately needed to know I was going to be ok.
Eventually, as I sat on my bed looking at the stack of cards,
books, and pamphlets, I realized
 "I will never be the same girl I was"
Wow, not only did I need to grieve for the loss of my babies
 but for the loss of my former self.
Since then, I have had the privilege of meeting several mommies who have survived miscarriages and even still births.  I have been able to support and encourage very close friends through had times, ensuring they never felt alone. I make it a point to talk about miscarriage, so they know I have not forgotten about their loss.
For me, I like to remember my angle babies, think about my experience, and even cry.
Loosing an unborn baby is sad... it is ok to cry... even four years later.
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  1. Oh, Kristy Fey. You are loved and you are strong. I am sorry for the loss of your babies.

  2. I agree with Tri! You are definitely loved and so very strong! You are such an amazing person for being able to share this with other people, so that they too know they are not alone.

  3. I am so sorry, Kristy. It is hard to know the right thing to say or if to say anything at all. Now I know that saying nothing is the worst. Thank you for sharing.

  4. I understand Kristy. We also lost two babies, one at twelve weeks and one at seven weeks. The baby we lost at 12 weeks was our first and I don't think I have ever felt so alone, so empty. We knew in our hearts it was our daughter and that one day we would see her again in heaven. The following year we had a healthy bouncing baby boy, two years later another loss then two more healthy boys that were blessings beyond measure! Deep in my heart, even though I loved being a mom to boys there was a piece of me that still hurt, that mourned our daughter. Years went by and we were happily living life. One night God called our family to adopt a baby girl in China. It was a calling like I've only experienced one other time and that is when he called me to become a nurse; I knew the voice and I knew it was Him. A couple years later, and after a few twist and turns we were united with our daughter, the one God created and chose for us to have here on earth, half way around the world in China. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God created her for us and us for her ~ she couldn't be anymore my daughter from personality, her love of life and what makes me giggle is that several have even said that our faces look similar ~ she has my chipmunk cheeks:) Sorry to leave such a long note ~ I just want to share my heart with you to let you know that I understand. As a NICU nurse for several years I questioned God why, why did he let families have babies only to take them to heaven before some even took their first breath. Finally, I realized that it takes some of us decades to complete the calling God has for our life, others, do everything God called them to do even before taking that first breath. It doesn't take the hurt away but knowing that they did everything they were meant to do in such a short period of time is a true miracle! Hugs to you and thank you for sharing.

  5. Thank you Teresa... you have no idea how close to home your story hits!

  6. Just know my daughter that I Love you!

  7. Thank you for your honesty with your loss. I miscarried for the first time this past August. It is a lonely time and each day thinking about our baby (who we all believe is a boy, so we named him Shane) and wondering who he would be. Knowing he is in Heaven is comforting. I know that on earth I have 3 children, but I really have 4. I can not wait to meet him. Maybe our babies are playing together in Heaven...


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